Displaced

Today I am checking in on a much somber tune than my usual. I spent the morning crying my eyes out for many different reasons. The first thing I do most mornings when I wake up now is to check how many more lives have been lost in the Israel - Hamas conflict. But at this point, lets call a spade a spade. This is not about Hamas and it never was. The October 7th Hamas attack was only the catapult and the icing on the cake that would finally “allow” Israel to do what it’s really wanted to do from the very beginning of its creation, extinguish all Palestinians from their homeland. While I and so many others around the world watch this play out in what’s now being called the first “Digital Genocide” of our time, I can’t fathom the idea that in our day and age, any body of people can continue to get away with doing something so vile and so inhumane like the Israeli government, Israeli settlers, and Zionists have been doing to the Palestinian people. And how they’ve gotten away with doing this for decades. Right underneath our noses, using our tax dollars, and doing it in the name of Jewish people and for Jewish safety. The idea that these barbaric and terroristic acts could ever be seen as justifiable for those causes is an idea that I can never accept as a deeply empathic, highly compassionate, and educated human being whom is very good at using their critical thinking skills.

After my usual social media follow ups and posts for the morning, I laid back down in bed. Deep in my own anger and sorrow, I felt as if I could scream out loud enough for the whole world to hear : “Why the fuck are innocent people still being killed?”, “When will this stop?” ,“How much death is enough for every single person on this earth to stop everything that they are doing and just for once, give a fuck?”. Social media just seems to remind me that although I have intentionally focused on content from people whom seem to have the same moral compass as me, the majority of my own personal following seems to be going about their regular lives and days as usual. Posting about celebrities, posting selfies, out at dinner/club partying, other self absorbed content, and everything else around the sun but nothing about the Digital Genocide. I am continued to be reminded that every time that something devastating happens to the human race, I am surrounded by peers whom seem so invested in their own self-preservation, that they don’t seem to have a care about people whom are facing a real and dangerous humanitarian crisis.

And that my friends, is what I call privilege. When you have this type of privilege, you tend to forget that it should absolutely be your duty to speak up for those who do not have the same privileges as you. That’s the absolute least you could do on this earth and as a decent human being. When you die, people won’t show up to your funeral to discuss the clothes you wore, the cars you drove, the home you lived in, and the job you worked. Hopefully, people will talk about how great of a human being you were on this earth, how impactful you were in their lives, how you were always resilient in the face of adversity, how you stood on what you practiced as a good person, how you fought against injustices and oppression, and how you loved all walks of people with empathy and compassion. If I died tomorrow, I know that this will be what dozens of people whom approach the funeral podium would say about me.

My husband and I are very different in the ways that we approach injustices/adversities. And he is definitely not someone whom takes to social media and addresses their feelings about anything. He is not someone whom is posting about what’s going on but he is also not someone who really posts things at all. But behind the scenes, I know who my husband is and I know undoubtably what he stands for. I would not have married a man who did not embody, in any sense, compassion or understanding of what it looks like when injustices or oppression is taking place. He has continued to be my driving force and backbone with his daily reminders. He continues to be my biggest fan and cheerleader. He spends almost every living second with me, outside of work and friends/family, so of course whatever deeply affects me will also affect him as well. When we are home and I am watching Piers Morgan and other journalists report on the current genocide happening at the hands of Israel, he is right there next to me and keeping himself equally educated and aware. I am so thankful for this man. I turned over to him in bed this morning, crying, letting him know how angry at the world I am. We had a very deep conversation this morning that felt vulnerable in so many ways. And in this space, he encouraged me to continue to set my boundaries with what I intake and in knowing that I am truly an empath, suggesting that I continue to use my newsletter as an outlet to discuss the things that have been making me so deeply unhappy.

My grief at this time is so multi-layered. This isn’t just about social media or people not speaking up, it hits way closer to home for me. Outside of being a person of color, I too know what displacement feels like. I know what it feels like to be 7yr old girl getting ready to go to school when police bulldoze and break into your apartment to arrest your young parents for selling marijuana, which they did to put food on the table and keep a roof over the heads of their family. I know what it feels like to be walked to the school bus that morning by the oppressor, the police, whom willingly separated a child from their parents to be sent to school and act like what just happened didn’t just happen. I know what it feels like to have no home to return to that night because my parents were both in jail. I know what it feels like to be sleeping at a home that is not mine because I don’t know when I will be able to return to my own. I know what it feels like to be placed in systems like foster care because I indefinitely had no home to return to. I know what it feels like to be uprooted and having to leave all of your clothes, toys, valuables, and anything else you hold close to your heart behind because you will never be able to go home again. I know what it feels like to be displaced. I know what it feels like to be displaced because of an oppressor and an oppressive/racist system. This grief is multi-layered and it isn’t just as surface level for a person like me who absolutely did come from nothing, and not the “Amy Schumer” type of “came from being dirt poor”.

Why wouldn’t I, coming from the circumstances that I have not use my voice to stand up against the bullshit going on when this is such a trigger to my own livelihood. I’ve even shared these most vulnerable sentiments because maybe this is what makes me such an empath. Maybe the painful experiences from my own childhood have deepened a sense of my own human interconnectedness that many others fail to have. As I continue to uncover and heal my inner child, i realize that this is what she would have wanted. Because there was no one but my grandmother who fought for me, my justice, my freedom, and my future. One person, changed my life forever by going against all the systems that were even set up for her own demise. A native Haitian woman, whom was the first person in our family to come here in the 50’s/60’s and in a time where she did not speak English well or had any of the opportunities that her white counterparts did. A woman whom had no idea how the justice system worked when they arrested her son, put her grandchild in foster care, and had no resources on where to even start to free them both. But you know what, she did that. She is a hero and I only wish that I can continue to embody a person like her. A person whom even faced with constant adversities, still made a life for herself and helped many others through their adversities as well. She committed her life to serving God, raising her family, and always donating to those less fortunate even when she had nothing. To have had a person like this in my life, I know that anything is possible when you have the privilege to change peoples lives.

And when I say that my grief is multi-layered, I also want to bring to attention that a lot of us are grieving old thought patterns and the person that we use to be. We are grieving the lenses that we once had that did not allow us to pay attention to the human disasters happening all around the world. Like in Sudan, Syria, Hawaii, Cuba, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, to mention a few. But the collective pain that we are feeling due to the human suffering that we are witnessing around the world is something that I want to feel. I do not want to be someone or be associated with anyone whom can see what is going on and pick a side that is not the side of humanity. Systems that encourage white supremacy and oppression are not systems that I stand by. I find that the more that I am working on myself and addressing my own biases, I can’t help but to think about my peers. The people that I associate myself with and what they represent. The people that I associate myself with whom seem to refuse to address their own biases. The people that I associate myself with whom aren’t putting in the real work to unlearn and re-learn. The people that I associate myself with whom are not grieving, when I’m someone whom is in deep grief. This is truly a time of reflection and deciding the type of people I want to associate my self with, deeply, moving forward. My life will never be the same and I will never be the same. I have intentionally started following more people whom are social justice advocates, historians, and journalists because I can no longer just sit on social media and like peoples selfies and find happiness in their brunches. I can no longer sit on social media and wonder about what’s on Shaderoom and the next big gossip scoop. I can no longer sit on social media and act like I don’t see most people in my most immediate life, whom seem to be living a completely different life of grief than me.

I have found deep pleasure during this time in being surrounded by people who want to have the hard conversations and learn, who want to be vulnerable, who want to talk about the collective grief we are experiencing, who make me feel like I’m human, and who remind me that we have a much bigger purpose on this earth. I will not end this newsletter like usual with things outside of the current crisis going on because I honestly just don’t have the space right now. I do want to mention that I hope that this newsletter is inspiring to all whom are resisting vulnerability, feeling displaced in their own lives, radicalizing into a new person with a new mindset, looking for a community of minds alike, or are in deep grief because of the current loss of human life that we are witnessing which is absolutely not normal. I hear you, I see you, I feel you, and I want you to know that we are all in this together. #freepalestinetillidie

As always, till next time with love, RidethaVibe with Dee ❤️