Being outspoken

I remember always being a kid who had a lot to say. I may not have used this skill to defend myself much from bullies, but my teachers could all attest, "Dania is very talkative! She’s a brilliant girl, but she just talks too much in class." I often see the saying, "The little girls who talked a lot in class became women who spoke up about things" (not sure if this is the exact quote, but I’ve tried to find it and can’t LOL). I became that woman, but I definitely was not expecting the price it would often cost me:

1. Dating and being vocal about my needs caused issues.

2. Being a friend and setting boundaries caused issues.

3. Being a working professional who is less likely to be passive-aggressive in the workplace caused issues.

4. Being an ally and advocate about all things social justice caused issues.

I’m really only here to discuss #4. I decided that in my lifetime, I’d commit myself to contributing to the greater good and helping to make this world a better place. Through my own personal experiences, a social worker was someone who helped to make my difficult life feel better as a child. I knew that I wanted to make an impact on people’s lives, just like the impact that had been made on my own life. I wanted to be the person who could bring positive changes, even if it manifested itself years later. I went to school following this passion, obtained a Master’s degree and license, and practiced social work for six years. Although I left the field, the departure allowed my presence to be more deeply felt when it came to the care of the community. When I say community, I mean the people in my life and those that I live with in this world.

The Palestine-Israel conflict has undoubtedly changed the view I previously had on the importance of different communities. I had not even thought much of its importance, as we tend to operate here in America with a very individualistic mindset. In our own indigenous countries, mine being Haiti, people tend to function completely differently. The function of the community within my heritage is to look after one another, care for one another, share with one another, and have each other's backs. But I live in a culture where I am supposed to mind my business, focus only on me, worry about me and mine, and if it doesn’t personally affect me, then I shouldn’t care. I just absolutely hate it. Yet, we have thousands of “spiritual” influencers, therapists, etc., who continue to encourage this lifestyle. Within the last seven-plus months, I’ve realized that I could no longer function within a community that thrives on toxic positivity, silence, and individualism.

The costs that have been charged to the game since leaving that community:

1. Small talk conversations just don’t feel the same.

2. Being a villain in people’s stories/having people separate themselves from me (oddly).

3. Self-awareness overload.

4. Often being unsettled with the status quo.

The reality of it all is that I no longer wanted to pretend. I was no longer able to turn a blind eye to human suffering, it didn’t do me or any one else any good. I could no longer stay vocally neutral in efforts to appear like someone who could play along for other people’s comfort. I no longer wanted to act like I wasn’t losing my mind over all of the destruction within the communities across the globe, like Sudan, Congo, and my family’s land of Haiti. It appeared that the cost of my decision came at a heavy emotional toll that I often find myself paying. Whether it be a news report or a reminder of the community I sadly had been a version of myself in where I was toned down, the grief I feel whether it be a news report or a reminder that I’ve meant nothing at all to a few people I’ve once associated myself with.

None of this compares to a woman I know who often receives death threats to her phone and is harassed daily on Instagram. She has lost a great deal of her friends and has had to leave the community she once belonged to. Her story is like another woman I know whose family thinks she’s crazy for standing up for human life and against an ongoing genocide in Palestine. It’s really something to see because personally, I could never understand it, and I frankly don’t want to. I could never understand why anyone’s life would change negatively, why they’d lose their jobs, or why they’d be shunned out of communities because of something that could be discussed through an open conversation. But what I’ve also been so thankful to learn during this time is that what is most important about a community is a community that provides safe spaces. And a lot of us outspoken people have been in unsafe spaces for quite some time.

Securing safe spaces has been something that I’ve learned to seek due to the costs of being a very vocal person. The community mindset that I had previously did not thrive on seeking safe spaces for different things; what I had was what I got. I had to step out of the status quo for my sanity and leave the individualistic community mindset that I couldn’t bear to stomach any longer. I didn’t understand collective grief and how much strength there is in it. Or how healing within a community could introduce you to so many new people from different walks of life. And from all different walks of life, I am seen and heard by those who vocally wish just as hard as I do for justice and freedom for all.

If you are reading this and can relate in some way, don’t limit yourself in finding safe spaces. They exist, just not as easily as we’d wish in the individualistic community culture we so often partake in. Not only do we have to build the world we’d love to see, we also have to build the communities that we want to be a part of. Whether you’re a new mom and want a community that can relate to motherhood or an artist who may want a community that can relate to artistry, find the people who will help to make you feel seen, heard, and grounded in those parts of your life. As part of Mental Health Awareness Month, I hope that this advice is as helpful for you as it was for me. <3

It’s Mental Health Awareness month so I’m sharing a song that I’ve been listening to that has been putting me in an upbeat mood. Check out Willow Smith - Wait a Minute . I pulled this quote about the song, “The song “Wait a Minute!” by WILLOW delves into themes of introspection, spiritual exploration, and emotional vulnerability, expressing a desire to reconnect with one’s essence and a loved one while navigating the complexities of self-awareness and relationships”.

If you happen to want to find yourself dancing out at the supermarket or while out running errands, check this one out 😀 

As always, till next time with love. RidethaVibe with Dee ❤️