Happy New Year folks! I wanted to check in and share some sentimental thoughts I’ve procrastinated into the new year, you’re truly welcome. I’ve had the words sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, calling me to write it down, but they say better late than never. I wanted to dedicate this newsletter to my community and in a time where it has seemed more important than ever. In a time of being awakened to multiple genocides, having ongoing hopelessness, and unexplainable grief…it has become a necessary. In having been blessed to have experienced a plethora of communal love, I wanted to share what community has looked like to me in the last few weeks of the year.

Community looks like sending pictures of the NYC skyline and NYC Christmas decorations to your friend who not too long ago had moved back home to California. Sharing pieces of the city they’ve left behind in hopes of bringing them sparks of joy that I myself have been looking for. I share them with my friend in hopes that my love is felt even if we are a thousand miles away from one another. I am reminded that even when I am feeling down, I can always be a vessel of love.

Community looks like quality time with my closest friends. Although the holidays were not anything I looked forward to celebrating this year in the midst of a genocide, I was pushing myself to show up for love. A night that I did not have a hand in planning, had been thoughtfully put together in appreciation of friendship. This looked like long talks, candle making, dancing, pictures, laughs, and good food. A sleepover just like good old times. A night that felt so short but took so long to get to. A night that many people do not get to experience because they do not have the friends, money, or opportunity. I am reminded that I am loved and cared for.

Community looks like volunteer nights after work. Surrounded by people whom are experiencing collective grief, whom want to make a difference in this world, and whom are being called to show up and elevate the voices of those in need. A place where a bunch of strangers are creating a safe place to been seen, felt, and heard. Where conversations spark more need for education and collaboration. Where art is built off of the grief that has engulfed our entire beings. We follow and message each other on Instagram with information and share deep sentiments. I am reminded that people choose their time wisely and can find time to contribute to a bigger picture.

Community looks like a Karaoke Christmas party that I planned at work. A long conversation with a new coworker that thanks me for helping them to transition into their new position. A zoom call with a coworker that needs the space to blow off heat about things they have on their mind at work. Another zoom call with another coworker where we both provide safe spaces to each other to blow off heat about things that we have on our mind about work. The group chats with my coworkers whom share jokes and company. Even at work, I am reminded that I am knitted into human kinds need for companionships.

Community looks like a late night conversation with a friend while on my way home. I pull over to park up by the water. We talk about real feelings. We talk about how we are really doing in life. We talk about the most ugliest parts of ourselves that we continue to be forced to find beauty in. We question humanity. We question the world. We question existence. I tell my friend that everytime we talk, I’m always on the verge of crying because that’s how raw it gets with us. I am reminded of light and that I am deserving of all things that see me.

Community looks like dinner by a friend whom lives nearby. A night of indulging in the music of our people. Both of us cooking a homemade vegan meal that we had been discussing days before. Talking about our growth as individuals and what challenges we are continuing to face on our spiritual journeys. Drinking the homemade vegan coquito we made despite not breaking open the coconut that lay on the counter. We call ourselves fairies who do magical things so we ended the night re-teaching ourselves how to play the piano. Although I had known the initial beginning to Fur Elise which I taught her, she whind up teaching me the ending that I had forgotten how to play. I am reminded that we can help each other to ignite.

Community looks like a day with your closest friend who is an expecting mother to be. We decided to celebrate Kwanzaa together this year to learn something new. Gifts of Kwanzaa candles, a bday gift, and books exchanged. A lunch missing some of the most important pieces to make it complete. A mother to be cooking rice from scratch to make up for it. And almost 8 hours of conversation that I’m surprised at some point we both didn’t find ourselves on the floor, crying, and crawled up into balls. Hours pass and we could go on and on and on and on…and I am reminded that we need safe spaces to feel heard.

Community looks like an Amazon package sent to you from an old coworker turned friend. The Amazon locker at my condo hasn’t been our best friend lately but with teamwork, the package was retrieved. Randomly, I’ve received a package full of my favorite goodies: anything lavender. We catch up and plan a date for the new year. She knows I needed a pick me up, even though we do not talk often. I am reminded that I am capable of building and sustaining long lasting and quality friendships.

Community looks like your childhood bestfriend coming to stay by you for a date night they’ve suggested. Crab legs are our go to. We find ourselves at a restaurant that is no longer seating tables. We do not despair and make the best of the night, driving over to another one of our crab leg go to restaurants. We bond on our lives and times from our childhoods together. We embrace the sisterhood we’ve built without ever sharing the same blood. I am reminded that I can grow into different versions of myself and still be loved.

It seems that for so long “strength” has been associated with doing things on your own. At least that’s what it feels like to be a black woman sometimes. Self-Isolating, never reaching out, and to your own detriment only sinking yourself deeper into a lonely despair. One of the biggest lessons I’ve left 2023 understanding is how important community truly is to healing. But when healing in a community, it’s also important that those community members love you the way YOU need to be loved. There will be people who just don’t get it or don’t want to get it, due to their own lack of emotional maturity or lack of understanding. Due to their unwillingness to be vulnerable, sometimes it can feel like no one could ever understand how you feel. Instead of self Isolating, we should intentionally seek the places where we WILL be seen, heard, or understood.

It takes work and many lessons in learning who your community members are and the roles that they play in your life. One person can’t be for everything and knowing that helps with setting expectations on where your community members are able to meet you. Part of the work is being vulnerable enough to learn to seek your community so that you can find them, they can learn their role, learn how to love you, and fulfill the duty of being a good person to you in this lifetime. But also, leave people where they had you fucked up if they are not a good community member to you. In saying that, I’ll end this newsletter with a poem I’ve released this week. It’s called “Masks Off”. Its my 2023 send off to all the community members that I have lost in the unmaskings of one another. Enjoy ❤️ 

Masks off

Although at times I’ve caught the sweat dripping from underneath

Although at times I’ve seen the elastic tied behind heads

Although at times I’ve always noticed those disingenuous grins that always seem to be so stuck In place

The masks are finally off

The funny thing about it is that I’ve always known

I always know

I do not take lightly in the gift I have of reading a mf in 2.5

So when I say that girl ain’t no good

Or that man ain’t right

Just know that I’ve been wearing masks for peace sake

Switching up on you took great effort

Switching up on you took great thought

Switching up on you took up so much of my time in telling myself that maybe I’ve got it all wrong

Maybe Ive been reading it all wrong

Or haven’t sat on this quite too long

Maybe I’m being too irrational

Or just haven’t thought it too much through

Masks off? Well mine too

Second guessing got me constantly disrespected

Micro aggressions to the heavens

Keeping peace to serve everyone else but me

It has never been about me

Masks off? Well mine too

Let’s have fun and forget about the times that I’ve been deeply hurt

Let’s drink and get drunk off of this temporary bliss

Let’s act like everything is okay in a world so deeply full of sickness

And despair

Who’s left to trust when I too have had to take my mask off?

Who are these strangers that I’ve let get so close to me without ever really knowing who they were?

Who are these foes that have been able to share tables and break bread amongst me while they plot death during my absence?

Masks off

I’ve awoken to the stranger behind the facade

The days are over for when peace is kept on the back of my tongue being bit so damn hard that it combusts

The days are over for when kindness takes precedence over my truths and my sanity, for anyone

The days are over for when excuses are made for the ongoing ignorance of my safety at your righteous convenience

Masks off

Don’t fret,

Although the access to my energy will be felt as such a great lost

This I know

I hope that you learn to love yourself too

In a world full of mask wearers and shape shifters that don’t seem to want to break the cycle

I hope that you too start to follow your heart and not the crowd

In a world that will single you out for not pretending like everyone else

I hope that you too start to respect yourself and deeply heal the demons within

In a world where your demons are coddled by the unhealed you surround yourself with

I hope that you too can truly look yourself in the mirror and get to know who you really are in this world and what you stand for

Finally,

Mask off

As always, till next time with love. RidethaVibe with Dee ❤️