The Year I Pulled Back

As we wrap up the end of the year, I’ve felt deeply called to write. Not to share New Year’s resolutions (I believe change is a daily practice), and not to offer a highlight reel of the past year. I simply want to share a theme that shaped me; one that I hope you may relate to, or perhaps grow into.

This year was the year I pulled back.

I became more intentional about what that meant for me. I’m currently in a Yoga Teacher Training program and after studying translated ancient yoga texts; teachings that explore how we show up for ourselves and the world, I found myself more reflective than usual (as one would hope). Those teachings stirred something in me, and I felt compelled to share these end of year thoughts.

So what does pulling back actually look like, and why did it become the theme of my year?

As I continue to grow into new versions of myself, I’ve become acutely aware of the masks I’ve worn, often just for the sake of wearing them. Masks that proved I was kind, caring, easy to get along with, welcoming, a “good” friend. I wore them proudly. But these qualities mean very little if the person behind them feels resentment, exhaustion, or self-betrayal. They mean very little if they’re rooted in keeping the peace, avoiding discomfort, or being liked; yet still feeling misunderstood or unseen.

This year, I realized I needed to confront that pattern. Not to become less kind, but to deeply heal the need to be liked, to be “nice,” to be agreeable at the cost of myself. I needed to understand who I actually am when those masks come off and learn how to live in that truth.

Of course, wanting to be liked is human. But when that desire comes at the expense of your own happiness, at what point do you choose yourself? At what point do you trust that the qualities you seek validation for already exist within you?

There are long explanations here; childhood trauma, societal conditioning but that’s a story for another time. What became clear this year is that every time I didn’t pull back, I wasn’t being intentional with myself. And no one, no relationship, no dynamic is bigger than me.

Of course pulling back comes with consequences. Discomfort. Misunderstanding. Distance. These are things I’ve historically avoided, choosing instead the easier route: putting the mask back on. This year asked me to sit with what I’ve never been comfortable holding.

At its core, this lesson comes down to one truth: no one is entitled to my kindness, my understanding, my patience, my grace, my love, my money, or my time. No one owns these things but me.

I’ve become more selfish because I had to. More boundaried because I had to. A little less endlessly forgiving because I had to. Every time I wasn’t, I paid for it with sadness, confusion, and internal chaos. And yet, paradoxically, I am more loving than I’ve ever been. More thoughtful. More mindful. More kind. The difference is intention. This is my program, my life, my energy, and I am the main character.

So if you’re someone I have always greeted first, but noticed you never extended that effort back, I’ve pulled back my warmth. If you’ve hurt or misunderstood me while expecting me to clear the room and fix it, if you’ve constantly misunderstood my character or intentions, that is not mine to repair. If you believe I’ll tolerate abuse in any form, manipulation, lying, or gaslighting; you are mistaken. If you don’t allow me to exist and be myself freely; you will no longer be welcomed. If you think I will participate in or do things that I don’t want to do; I won’t. And if you’re attached to a version of me that no longer exists, that is not my responsibility either. I am not even the same person I was yesterday.

I’ve pulled back from anything that misunderstands me, doesn’t align with who I am, does not love me in my love language, or fails to meet me with the same care and grace that I extend. These things are not freely owed; they are earned. They belong with those who show me that my time matters, that I matter, That I am worthy of grace & patience, and who never take my need to pull back personally or without conversation.

As the year comes to a close, I’m releasing the girl who was afraid of losing people, of appearing a certain way, of being misunderstood. I’ve learned that the right people see me and hear me; and that is always enough. Alignment shifts. You may have known one version of me and no longer recognize this one, and that’s okay too.

Because I am enough. I have always been enough. I carry everything I need within myself to meet what the world cannot always give me.

Pulling back, for me, is not about disappearing; it’s about detaching from versions of myself and things that no longer serve me or align with who I’m hoping to be. It’s about becoming someone I’ve never been before. And so I will continue to meet this woman again and again, while the world learns her again and again.

As I step into 2026, I carry this truth with me, loudly and unapologetically:

I am authentically me. I will always live in my truth. I am always enough.

As always, till next time with love. RidethaVibe with Dee ❤️